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The · Essence · of · My · Existence


And the Interworkings of a Caged Mind

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Your Birthdate: December 27

You are a spiritual soul - a person who tries to find meaning in everything.
You spend a good amount of time meditating, trying to figure out life.
Helping others is also important to you. You enjoy social activities with that goal.
You are very generous and giving. Yet you expect very little in return.

Your strength: Getting along with anyone and everyone

Your weakness: Needing a good amount of downtime to recharge

Your power color: Cobalt blue

Your power symbol: Dove

Your power month: September
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You Are 72% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded.
Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints.
But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line.
You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.
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You Are 60% Abnormal

You are at high risk for being a psychopath. It is very likely that you have no soul.

You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at medium risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is somewhat likely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.
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What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced.

Overall, your true self is reserved and logical.

With friends, you seem logical, detached, and a bit manipulative.

In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.

In stressful situation, you seem like you're oblivious to the stress.
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I did nothing today except a few weak, yet successful attempts at cleaning and I got on the computer. Besides IMing all day, I wrote the beginning of my next short play. And I kept filling out those stupid quizzes on Blogthings.com. So, I may begin compulsively posting the results. Well, just remember that I'm bored and easily amused/distracted as in please take pity and bear said annoying posts.
Current Mood:
bored bored
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I HATE BUSH and I've always hated him, but now it's different. Now, my favorite cousin in the entire world is being deployed to Iraq. I've been praying since Bush first declared "war" that Sean would never have to go, but now my worst fear is coming true. I'm so worried because Sean has two kids and if he dies....I don't even want to think about that. I don't know what I'll do. I love Mickey and if he's gone I duno if I'll ever see her and their sons again. She's going back to Italy, but without him there'll be no reason for her not to stay for good. I HATE BUSH THAT DUMB FUCK.
Current Mood:
scared scared
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My weekend was 100% crap. I had been waiting since frickin' September to go to the SLUH party and I'd made transportation plans in JANUARY. That's how seriously I wanted to go. But then my stupid incompetent mother decides "Oh, let's drive 6 mind-numbly awful hours to Mississippi without making any formal plans, calling ahead, or getting a map." I managed to convince her not to force me to go, but the deal was I wouldn't have to go as long as I had somewhere to stay. No problem right? Only BIG problem - everyone was willing to drive me to the party, but no one could get their parents to agree to let me spend the night. I stayed up until One in the morning on Friday and was making calls right up until we left (we left at like four in the afternoon - WTF?!) and half the people were still sleeping. Then as we were driving down, people called me back like "yeah, you can spend the night", but it was too late we were already on our way. We got to Mississippi at about 11 at night for an 81-year-old woman's birthday party. The town was so small if we saw black people there was a 98% chance they were related to us or would soon be (through marriage). My "cousin" Eddie (I hesitate to call him my cousin because I've never seen him before in my life, but they told me we're related) was trying to flirt with me, but I'm not into incest. And then we had to drive to another town two towns away in order to find a hotel and at 2 in the morning and the only one open was a motel where they wouldn't even open the door, but slipped the key to our room through the mail slot. The room only had one bed so my mom, sister, and I shared it while my dad slept in a chair and it took my mom about an hour to get ready for bed and she refused to turn out the light even though I was sleepy as that thang. We woke up and my dad missed McDonald's breakfast, so he bought food from some other restaurant, only it was soggy and gross then it took my mom like four hours to get ready and we missed the checkout time and then we went back to my great-great aunt's house and stayed there until about five and then we went home. It was a complete and total waste. I HATE MY FAMILY, but ESPECIALLY MY STUPID MOTHER because of her idiotic ideas.
Current Mood:
pissed off pissed off
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I'm feeling lucky. Maybe, just maybe some things will finally start to really go my way...
Current Mood:
hopeful lucky
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I meant to rant at least (I think) four days ago. Yeah, starting last friday, but I kept getting sidetracked. LJ has a lot of groups and I really have trouble multi-tasking, but I'm going to rant now to make up for lost time. So, here goes...

Friday - Mom took me to work with her. Apparently, a very rich (and horny) 83-year-old, enjoys my company. I endured his disgusting sexual innuendos (remember he's 83) and even tolerated his inappropriate remarks because my mom asked me to. She was hoping that my presence would encourage him to be a little more generous when investing with her company. She can be such a B-(can't say the rest, I gave up cursing for Lent), but I can't easily turn her down (AH, the curse of the unreciprocated love). I spent the WHOLE day with her, and it was tiring. Then, I was all set with plans to go to a party that night, but nooo, mom wouldn't let me. Some bulllcrap about how I didn't do my chores. I let a friggin' 83-year-old WITH saggin' man-boobs grope me in what was poorly disguised as a hug - several times!!! Then mom loving informed me that she signed me up to volunteer ALL DAY.

Saturday - I was tired, but mom still pulled me out of bed where I then headed to the soup kitchen. I enjoy helping people, don't get me wrong, but I was sleepy. I woke up, later though, at the very appetizing sight of Cow tongue boiling on top of the stove. We served an improvised spaghetti, garlic bread, liver & onions, mashed potatoes, salad, fruit, donuts, and coffee. I know, sounds like a pretty good meal. I ALWAYS try to be extremely kind to the people who I serve, but some people have SOME nerve! One man came up to me, while i was serving donuts and I said, "hello, sir. What kind of donut would you like?" and he looks in the box and says, "The chocolate one." So, I begin looking for the chocolate donut which MUST obviously be in there, only I can't find it. So, I begin panicking thinking I'm having a blind moment and he says (unhelpfully and disrespectfully - I might add), "Gurl, a blind man would have found it by now!" So, I say calmly, "Well, sir, if you see it, please feel free to take it because I can't find it." and he glances down and says, "I can't find it." I wanted to hurt him! Then another man kept sneaking up as if he were robbing somebody; he'd grab a handful of donuts, but only when I wasn't looking (they were free BTW), and stuff 'em into his pockets and slink away just as quickly as he came. then he came back up to me and said, "These are hard." And he just dropped these two donuts on the table, so I just looked at him and said politely, "But sir, I don't think I served you. You should find the person who did and take up your complaint with them." That solved that. Oh, and how could I forget going to my Church spending the ENTIRE day cleaning it out, which is as much fun as cleaning out a big building alone can be. Then my dad bought my younger sister (yet another) new cell phone and promised me that I'd get mine in two weeks - Yeah right, I'm not holding my breath.

Sunday - Sister went to the mall with mom, I was not alerted that they were going and this is the umpteenth time that they've left me behind, while they went. Went to Church - it was ok. Then went to Denny's and picked up breakfast for my grandmother and took it to her house, only to discover she wasn't home. Took Denny's back home, but no one wanted it. I can't blame them, Denny's isn't even that good and it especially sucks when it's cold.

Monday(Today) - Nothing really exciting happened. My day was just ok.

I hope my rant was enjoyable, but whatever, rants aren't meant to be enjoyed. They exist to make the ranter feel better afterwards, though I pretty much feel the same. But, whatever.
Current Mood:
crappy crappy
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Today, Jenee' and I walked around outside even though it was raining. I used to love the rain. I mean, I still do, but I had forgotten how much I really did until she dragged me outside. I'd been so absorbed with all the things that were bothering me and she helped me relax. That's why I love her so much and love having her as a friend. As we walked around she kept bending down and picking up worms off the walkway and tossing them back onto the grass because she "didn't want the birds to get them or anybody to step on them". Seeing her trying to save the worms reminded me so much of a child desperately trying to save or stop something inevitable from happening. As one boy pointed out snidely as he walked by, "Why are you doing that? They'll all die next winter, anyway." So, what was the point? Jenee' was just being her caring, loving self and trying to save a few worm-lives if she could. And as for me? Though I was definitely tempted, I didn't touch the worms, but I didn't insult or leave her either. I thought it was cute. When we walked around a pond Jenee' said excitedly, "Let's go swimming!" She's so child-like; it's funny sometimes, but she's not like retarded. She can hold serious conversations, but she can also act like a six-year-old. Just walking and talking with her really helped calm me down. Then of course, my good day was ruined by a stupid boy who discovered I liked B (thanks to my over-zealous friend who was very obvious about it) and then when B was near us, he asked loudly, "Hey, what's so great about B anyway?" and as if that weren't awful enough when I left in order to encourage him to cease talking, he began telling everyone who walked through that building that I liked B. I was so annoyed. Then, B walked out and I was like, "Dang! (I'm trying to give up cursing for a while) he was here the whole time???" I feel so pissed and annoyed right now. Actually, I guess my day wasn't THAT bad today. It was pretty alright and I finally started reading my book on CD. I've never read a book this way before, but I really wanted to read this one and this was the only form in which the lady had it. This is a pretty interesting experience to me. I'd actually rather have the book physically in my hands to read because then I'd have to focus on it, and listening to it on CD (especially since I'm easily distracted!) does not command my attention the same way. I duno, I guess today wasn't THAT bad, but I was mad, though. I'm still trying to write some more poems.
Current Mood:
good good
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